Rain, Christmas movies, and big canvas dreaming

The weather outside is frightful, but my dears, it isn’t delightful.

It is not exactly the winter wonderland you see on Christmas cards, nor the chestnuts by a roasting fire scenes from carols.

I’m half tempted to write a Christmas carol including lyrics like “tires on wet streets noise,”  “drops  patter on the roof”, “icy chill and darkness.”

The rain has been going for days now.

Of course its not  Christmas yet.

It’s the build up, which to me is just what Christmas is all about.

People are shopping, trying to outdo each other in presents and decorations, and partaking in large quantities of baked treats .

Except here.  I try to avoid all that.

Now you may think reading this I’m some sort of scrooge.


We have Christmas traditions and the children are very excited and dreaming of presents as they do every year.

This year I have planned

– making homemade ornaments

– going to see the huge lights display the local hospital puts on every year

-making goodies to eat at a pre-Christmas/ Tree trimming party on solstice night

-a nice morning opening presents with my children before their father arrives to pick them up

-me seeing a movie and appreciating that I don’t need to cook or bake or be social at all if I don’t want to

This is the most difficult time of year for me for depression and anxiety. That isn’t unique, many feel the same way. It is the time of year I want to push away.

I also have this intense itch to paint on big canvases. I’ll do that to get it out of my system until my mind flies back around to a different obsession.

Fighting the desire to art has only left me with unfinished drafts, neglected writing projects, and an unsettled feeling.

Internal me races in thought, interest, and intensity.  Flying associations and the need to create and a constant shifting define my inner life. I find that humoring inner me and going with it works out best because then I have peace of mind to take care of things that must be done on the outside of my mind which stay fairly constant.

Homeschooling continues on, we have just a few weeks till we take our month of break. I’m reading new things, and plan some more reviews very soon.









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