It’s a week of Updates.
Now its Wednesday, and I want to share a few things.
One is, a new website to share my stuff, and to hopefully become better organized.
I’ll still be blogging here and primarily using that site to link up to other things.
Previous updates have been fairly happy ones.
Today is going to be mostly sucky so if you’re the sort who finds bad news awkward, slink away now. I won’t think anything less (or ever expect more) of you.
In April, I turned 40, a milestone many dread. Thing is, I was looking forward to it. I really was, until late March came and things fell apart.
One significant problem I have is anxiety, and a feeling overwhelm that occurs when major decisions, or problems arise. I often feel stuck. I don’t know what to do.My porch roof had been leaking for some time. It took me a very long time to get money together to fix it, then after I had, a problem arose.
Who do I trust to help fix my porch? The list of names was so overwhelming. Every possible nightmare scenario filled my mind, leaving me STUCK. Two months passed. Someone tried breaking into my house, and a very nice neighbor gave me a lead pipe should I need to defend myself. (like clue, it was Amanda, in the drawing room, with a lead pipe) I asked her about a contractor who could possibly help me. I called and a week later he called back. A week after that he came over and talked about the repairs. He said he could do it around February once the weather improved. February came and went with no return of my calls and once again I was stuck.
March came and was on its way out when the city served me with a housing violation and a threat of one grand a day fines and jail if I couldn’t pay, plus auctioning my house. Our only home. Over a porch. They gave me three weeks to fix it, though actually four, the notice was a week old when I received it. So I started calling random numbers and the guy who answered/bothered to come out, and make an offer, got the work. Running around and around with the city of Baltimore I finally got everything done and inspected, only to not hear any news on whether it was adequate. The work came to five grand. I had to dip into money designated for the youngest sons medical expenses. (its very tricky meeting income/asset requirements for the boys’ assistance, I’m only allowed to have so much, I still wondering whether I’ll be penalized for doing so)
Meanwhile, a second city agency sent me a notice of lien on my property to be auctioned in early May, because I hadn’t been paying my rental registration fees for several years. This home is not a rental, it is a single family property. The previous owner (now dead) had been renting it out. The fee charges for renewal had been mailed to him for years and though I had no idea of it, I was responsible to somehow know to change it. Once the state contacted that city agency to update my residency status, they took off the fees for this year, but said they couldn’t take any off retroactively, so once again I had to pay if I didn’t want to lose my home.
I had to borrow money to do that, because with the porch repairs my savings had gone (and i’d even had to put off utility bills/go a few days on rice while the children visited their father…)
Then in June my homeowners insurance company decided that even though I’d been with them 20 years, the bad porch made me a liability, and so cancelled my homeowners (no prior notice) It took me a few weeks of phone calls and pictures and inspections to get it back on again.
All of this is because I felt too damn anxious to deal with it earlier. Trust me the city doesn’t give a rats ass if I’m mentally disabled. I’m either supposed to get over it, or not be home owner. It’s assumed if can manage some aspects of my life, I should have no problems in others. I realize I’m very lucky in many respects, btw.
Lately, my roof has been leaking, and the porch roof has begun again, and I feel very overwhelmed with that. When it rains I go outside and sweep the puddles off. I stick towels under the dripping ceiling. I wait for the next problem.
Things are looking up in terms of steady work, and life seems to be improving, but things are far from ok.
It makes me NOT a very motivated blogger.
Some people have been really supportive, others, well, sometimes I overestimate/ value people I call friends.
Yet, I’m trying.
There is no giving up.